I’ve had a few goes at this – it’s been really hard. For the first time in seven years, I’m not going to make it to the Going West Festival and I'm taking it hard. Wah! But two trips home from Sydney in a year is more than enough for the family wallet unfortunately…

But I have to be strong, and alert readers to the literary delights on offer. As usual Murray Gray, Naomi McCleary and the rest of the Going West team have come up with a programme that’s pure kiwiana, mixed with bracing, left-of-centre intellectualism; a bit like eating a meat pie with a very serious single malt whisky in your right hand (maybe a finger or two of Lagavulin, Murray?).

I would highly recommend lashing out and getting a whole weekend ticket – time would be the only issue because for the money it's a steal. A measly $150 gets you into all sessions, plus Friday evening supper, two lunches plus morning and afternoon teas. And it’s always so cosy, sitting down to eat and chat to clever people in the lovely Titirangi surroundings with like-minded literary enthusiasts (or pouncing on your literary victims while they’re halfway through their quiche, if you’re anything like me). God, I’m going to start crying in a minute. No, really.

However, if you really can't put life on hold and luxuriate in the full weekend experience, my pick of the sessions would be as follows: I’d have to do the whole Friday evening, with Karlo Mila doing the Curnow reading (a 15-minute taster that will get everyone in the mood), followed by Auckland University Writer in Residence Chris Price’s keynote address, for some serious brain-fodder about truth in literature. (There have been Going West keynote addresses that have been life-changers – viz Nigel Cox’s ‘Before I Went Blind’ in 2005 - and check the audio link here to Bill Manhire's Hotel Emergency poem, which still makes me breathless and goosey all over; the stunned audience could barely clap after it.) And rounded off with no less than nine of the best Pacific poets – hooo boy, this will rock the house.

Saturday morning, if I had to choose, I’d have to put my money on the session about the aforementioned late, lovely, mad genius Nigel Cox. His publisher Fergus Barrowman, and wife Susanna Andrew will be reading and reminiscing, with festival buddy David Larsen as chair. They’ll even be screening excerpts from the brilliant interview Damien Wilkins did with Nigel. There I go again, pass the tissues.

I’d be very tempted by the Mau Moko book, and most definitely would need to have a look at the Becky Nunes photographs commissioned for the book which will be exhibited at the festival. But I’d have to see Karen Hay interviewing Dame Fiona Kidman at 2.45pm for sure. After that, Waitakere Mayor Bob Harvey in conversation with Hamish Keith – how could you miss that?

And then, the magical words in the programme: ‘Bar opens.’ Just in time to wet your whistle for the music writers session including Nick Bollinger (How to listen to music) and Gareth Shute (NZ Rock 2987-2007) – they’ll be talking with Kim Willoughby and Ian Morris and will be followed by a live blues band. Murray will be out with the single malt around 11pm if you can hang around that long, sated as you will be by wine, words and song and mindful of pacing yourself for tomorrow…

Look, I can’t stand it any longer. I can’t do this right through Sunday as well, it’s too depressing. All I’ll say is: words-as-art with John Reynolds; poetry with Janet Charman, Michelle Leggott and Helen Sword; how to work words around kids with Karlo Mila, Sarah Laing and David Larsen; and Laurence Fearnley with Penguin Books’ Geoff Walker. The afternoon belongs to photography and film enthusiasts with a new book from Peter Simpson on legendary photographer Peter Peryer, and a new book on equally legendary Maori filmmaker and writer, the late Barry Barclay. Sunday is rounded off in an undoubtably rude and amusing manner by Steve Braunias talking to Simon Prast about Steve’s latest book Fish of the Week.

And then a very Westy finale – get the Outrageous Fortune team in for ‘A Croation Celebration’ and watch the fur fly. Nah, they’re not really like that. A bunch of eclectic Dallies will entertain and elucidate before, ahh – the bar opens with some local and excellent Dally wine from Artisan.

I’ll have to quote Naomi McCleary, Arts Manager of Waitakere City Council and Very Stylish Woman when she, in turn, quotes Laurance Fearnley in saying that the Going West Festival is the Sundance to the Auckland Writers Festival’s Cannes. It’s so true, and it inspires the same fanatical devotion in its fans. From the groups of Herne Bay literary ladies to the slightly challenged local Westies wearing four cardies, from the hip, artsy groovers to the shy, nerdy poets, it’s adorable and addictive. Get yourselves up to the bush. I’ll just stay here and try to be a big girl about it.